Turkey Marinara Burger

What better time to post a run of burgers than the week of July 4th? Most of these are “alternative burgers,” since I thought perhaps this might be the only time of the year when we all might be a little burnt out on the regular kind. In the last week, I’ve seen a thick, juicy looking, Grade A veggie burger at not only J. Alexander’s steak house, but Wrigley Field as well. It’s a beautiful time to be alive, friends.

I’m starting things off with something simple (it IS a holiday, and I’ve had a long day of rainy ball games, dinners out, baby baths and two Old Styles, though not all concurrently). This is a ground turkey patty, having seasoned the meat with Italian seasoning and garlic, salt and pepper. I topped it with melted mozzarella, marinara, and put it on a toasted, buttered roll. I also had some leftover pesto, and I shmeared that on the bottom part of the roll, though you don’t necessarily need that part. Deliziosamente sciatto! Which means, “deliciously sloppy.” I think.

Beata’s Hoot Owl Cutlets

These are bad. BA-A-A-AA-D. But they are so good, you know? (I sound like a guy in a leather beret from a 1980 cop movie explaining to the uptight lead, “Naw, man. Bad means GOOD.”) These are definitely in that “meat candy” category: sweet and savory, and fried and cheesy. In short, the perfect food.

Remember the meat-a-riffic baby shower that I went to for my friend Beata? Well, here is yet another entry on something fun she had there. She made these breaded cutlets from pork, but I used chicken (pounded out). I asked her how she got such a great breaded crust, and she said she double-coated them in Italian breadcrumb. So that’s flour, then beaten egg, then breadcrumb, then egg again, then breadcrumb. Then she fried them, and put pineapple slices on top, and American cheese and put them under the broiler for a minute or two. Is she brilliant, or what?

She didn’t call them “hoot owls,” but that’s what they looked like to me. (Now you know what you’re bringing to your next Harry Potter party.)

I’m not usually an American cheese fan, but it just seemed right on these. They have that feel of a recipe you’d get from a 1950s cookbook, called “Luau Chicken” or “Hula Pork,” where a ring of canned pineapple counts as an exotic ingredient from the south Pacific. And you just need American cheese for that.

These take a TON of breadcrumb, and I can only eat about half of one at a sitting. Which is probably advisable, since I don’t want to know how much fat is in one of these. I’m calling it special occasion food, when you’re “feelin’ kinda cutlet.” Or maybe when one of the kids gets glasses, and needs a little giggle!

Slow Cooker Spicy Chicken and Rice

Okay, my posts have gotten a bit shorter. But there’s a good reason for that. My time has gotten shorter, too! And I figure if my time is shorter, then other people are probably short on time, too. Since, you know, I only have the one kid, and/or I don’t work full time. So hopefully other people will be interested in dinners that are as fast as I’d like them to be. And if not, have you read dooce.com lately?

Oh, and sorry about the lousy picture. Again: time crunch.

First you drop four to six chicken breasts into the slow cooker. Or hell, just use two, I don’t care. Sometimes you get through those giant Costco packages of chicken and all you have are two left over. Or maybe you just bought two, and that’s a little bit sad and lonely for you, but I’m not here to make you feel worse. (But really, you should make more and plan for leftovers. I’m not your mother but I’m just sayin’.) I was about to add “then lightly season the chicken,” but who am I kidding? I didn’t do that.

Then you drop a can or two of cream of mushroom (or cream of anything) soup on top. Also add wild or brown rice, and enough liquid to cook the rice (I like to use chicken broth). Cook it for six hours or so, and the chicken will break apart easily with two forks, so you can s-to-the-hred it. Then add a liberal amount of hot sauce (I like Red Hot), and some salsa, and stir it again.

This can be eaten with a salad or veggie on the side, but it’s also really good inside tortillas with taco fixings.

The best part about this dinner is this: not only did you barely cook today, but you don’t have to cook tomorrow, either!

Battle Potato

My good (well, she’s “great,” actually) friend Ann has a sister who is battling MS. Every year Ann joins in the fight against the disease by captaining a team for the MS Walk (to hear Ann and her sister Maggie’s story or to make a donation at any time, go here.) As a “thank you” to her friends and donors, she threw a party this year and called it “Battle Potato,” in the style of Iron Chef on the Food Network. In case you’re the last person on the planet not to see the show, everyone was to bring a dish with potato as an ingredient. Then the guests vote on their favorite, and the winner jumps on his or her cutting board, and shouts “IN YOUR FACE. FOR MS RESEARCH” at all the other guests, while brandishing a butcher knife. And now (it must be said), “Allez cuisine!”

Ann decorated the place all purty with potato centerpieces.

The guests who cooked were given numbered cards to place by their dishes, for the vote later on.

One gi-normous nerd brought a title card for her dish, and pinned her number to the card with an Idaho potato button that she just happened to have brought. Who’s the geek?

My card reads, “Twice-baked ranch potatoes with scratch chicken BBQ.” Poor Ann had other guests asking her, “where’s my title card?” And she had to keep saying, “Uh, she made that.” Well, you know what? You could have made your own, too. Don’t hate the player.

There were more dishes than I imagined would be there. Curry salad, egg pie, thai dishes, and au gratin. I began to sweat. And eat. Eat and sweat.

I really, really enjoyed the food. When I saw the potato desserts, I knew it was over. There were chocolate-dipped chips, and cream-cheese frosted potato spice cake. There were DOUGHNUTS. How do you compete with that? Might as well just fill my plate.

Some folks got in a time-crunch, and were still courteous enough to go and get what people really like, and then arrange it artfully on a plate. Thanks Abby! Truthfully, I probably had more of the fries than anything else… So now I was contending with food science. You can’t argue with years of testing for aroma and “mouth feel.”

Or, have some red wine.

Then, form a totem pole, because it mocks both ancient Native American customs as well as your own ridiculously short stature. Everyone wins!

After eating, we all were to vote once for “Best Tasting,” and once for “Most Creative.” Ann had potato-shaped ballots to write the numbers on, and Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head receptacles to put them in. Aw, shmoosh.

And when the votes were tallied, my friends Anna and Adam won for “Most Creative” for their chocolate-dipped chips, and I won for “Best Tasting.” Yay! I think it is POSSIBLE that some people pitied the sad girl who made the title card… Or as Jason ribbed me (who baked the cake at #6), he was pretty sure some of his votes got construed as my #9. Also possible. But Jeff said, “I counted those votes. I know my sixes from my nines.” What’s an election without controversy?

My prize was a colander, filled with everything needed to make a pasta dinner. Which is crazy, because that’s exactly what I gave Ann as a wedding gift about a decade ago, only with a double-boiler instead of the colander. So now, I’m pretty sure I owe her a wedding gift. Still, I’m stoked because I can really use that colander!

I can’t wait until this party goes again next year. And if I win again, I’ll try to be more careful brandishing that butcher knife. (Sorry honey – but you were already missing most of your hair anyway, right?) Thanks for the party, Ann. It was awesome.

Here’s my recipe for the potatoes, only this time, I added Hidden Valley Ranch Dip mix to the potato mixture. I also refrigerated the baked potatoes overnight in their foil, and they were a lot easier to scoop out the next day.

Black Bean Hotcakes

Y’all ready for this? (Nah nah nah neh-neh-neh…) This is something strange that I came up with when Emeril failed me one too many times. I’ve been using this recipe for close to ten years now, since I was a vegetarian and that was a LONG time ago. Or at least it seems like it. Well, it has a high rating on the website, which kind of shocks me, because I don’t think it works too well. It is basically beans and flour, with seasoning and some other ingredients to flavor them. It sure is tasty and filling – but they soak up a LOT of oil, and I’m never quite sure when they are done frying. They just don’t crisp up like I want them to. Ever. I’ve tried very high heat, more oil, less oil… But I’ve not gotten the result that I think I’m supposed to.

Mainly, I’ve always wanted them to lift a little. They’re so dense and heavy… So I looked up a recipe for pancake batter, and mixed that into the beans. I seasoned them well, and added garlic, cilantro and onion to the mix. Voilà! A black bean cake hybrid that is a bit lighter, less dense, and I could tell just when they were done (flip them when the bubbles come up, just like a pancake).

Black Bean Hotcakes:
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
1/2 red onion, diced fine
2 cloves garlic, diced fine
2 Tblesp. cilantro, cleaned and diced fine
1/2 jalapeño diced very fine
2 cups all-purpose flour, stirred with a whisk or sifted before measuring
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 egg
1 1/2 cups milk
good shake (2 teaspoons or so) salt
liberal dusting of mexican seasoning

Take half of the beans and half of the milk, and purée them in the food processor. Then return them to a bowl and mix the rest of the ingredients together. (Check my lists below: you can dice all of the onion, garlic and cilantro that you’ll need for the guac at the same time.) Then drop them as you would pancake batter, about a 1/4 cup at a time in a hot pan. Turn them as you would pancakes.

It’s all about the condiments with me, as usual. So top the cakes with lime cream and guacamole, and fresh salsa or your favorite from a jar.

Lime Cream (my version):
1 cup light sour cream
juice 1 lime
2 Tblesp. sugar

Guacamole:
2-3 avocados, diced
juice 1 lime
1/4 red onion, diced fine
2 cloves garlic, diced fine
1/2 jalapeño diced very fine
1 Tblesp. cilantro, cleaned and diced
salt & pepper to taste

These reheat very easily (just keep the toppings separate. And if you put enough lime juice in your guac, it will keep in the fridge for a day or two without browning.) I don’t think Chris quite wrapped his head around the whole “savory pancake” concept, but he loves the sweet stuff. But I think these are a filling, tasty veggie dish, and might be good with leftover bacon or ham in them, too – if you’ve fallen off the veggie wagon, as I did!

Beyond Easy Vodka Cream Sauce

I’m committed to making things easily, with as few steps as possible. But honestly, I felt guilty about posting this. And then I realized it was two steps beyond simply opening a jar, which I do all the time. With one little rationalization, I went from feeling a little dirty to being one fancy lady!

Last week Ruby had nasty virus, which made her very uncomfortable, and for lack of a better term, “scream-y.” All day and evening, even with children’s Motrin. On a day like that, jokes aside, I truly don’t feel guilty about shortcuts. I warmed a brick of low-fat cream cheese in a skillet until melty. Then I added a jar of Barilla marinara (Bertoli is also good), and two shots of vodka. Then I let it all warm through, and I added some pre-made sun-dried tomato meatballs from Costco. Is that how vodka cream sauce is supposed to be made? I seriously doubt it. And I seriously didn’t care. Also, only one of the shots of vodka actually ended up in the sauce, and the other one may have fallen in my mouth.

I served it all over Costco mushroom ravioli. I wasn’t a huge fan of the meatballs, but the sauce was very good. I think I will try in the future to make and freeze little meatballs of my own, and save them up for nights like this when I’m really beat. (And by the way, Ruby has made a complete recovery, so don’t worry! She is all smiles once again.)

Portillo’s Chocolate Cake

I’m somewhat back “on the wagon” right about now, watching my calories and portion sizes. Of course, this doesn’t apply to weekends, or holidays, or that time of the month. In fact, with all my trangressions, I’m really surprised that I’ve lost any of the fifty pounds that I gained while pregnant at all. Twenty of that was baby, and whatever the baby is in that I don’t really want to think about. The rest has been coming off slowly, and none more slowly than these last eight pounds or so. I’m determined to do it, but no one can stop me from fondly reminiscing about the type of eating that I did during my last month of pregnancy. That was the stuff!

Two weeks before Ruby came along, I wanted cake. I wanted Portillo’s chocolate cake. But a whole Portillo’s cake is a little on the expensive side at about $18. And buying one piece per day until you have a baby (because you’re kidding yourself into thinking you just want ONE piece), as I knew I would end up doing, is even more expensive. (Oh yeah, a piece of cake per day? As that commercial says, “I was there.”) I heard a rumor on the radio: the caller claimed that he used to work at Portillo’s, and guess what? The cake is just Duncan Hines’ Moist Deluxe chocolate cake mix (some claim it is Betty Crocker, whatever), mixed with 3 eggs, 1 cup of water, and 1 cup of mayonnaise. Yes, mayonnaise. Just ignore what else it says on the box, and just add those things, and bake at the temp the box recommends. I don’t know if this rumor is true or just an urban myth, but let me tell you, I will not ever need another cake recipe. No seriously, I’m good with this one.

I topped it with store frosting, and it was fantastic. No muss, no mess, just a teeny bit of measuring, and it was just as good as Portillo’s, if not better. I think it is even better than the Hershey’s chocolate cake recipe, which until now has set the bar for me. And I didn’t need to boil water! The cake was so good, in fact, that I made one the very next week. And then I literally had a baby.

This last one is my favorite. At the school cafeteria, they always served chocolate cake with white vanilla frosting. I had it all through gradeschool. It was one of the only things the school did well – always so moist (and I seriously hate that word, but “tender” is for meat, and “damp” and its ilk are even worse) and perfect. I was always so geeked to see them serving it, and it is still my favorite.

You gotta try it, but I’m warning you: be nine months pregnant, or have guests over… Because you WILL eat it by yourself!

AMENDMENTS: I just made one of these with Light Mayo (Hellman’s) and it worked… But it is definitely NOT the same cake. Just a decent, light cake.

Also, did you know that coffee brings out chocolate flavor? Use a cold cup of coffee instead of the cup of water, and it brings out the cocoa flavor (you won’t taste the coffee.)

Artichoke Cream Pasta

Chris recently brought a regular sale to my notice through Amazon.com. You can get subscriptions to lots of magazines, many times, for $6-$10 for the whole year (or sometimes two years.) I treated myself recently to a dirt-cheap subscription to Cooking Light. I really like it. I’ve read many foodie periodicals over the years, starting with my father’s old addiction to Gourmet magazine. Cooking Light is one part lifestyle mag (like Gourmet), and the second half has most of the recipes. I’ve already tried several, and they’ve all turned out well.

This one is an artichoke, lemon zest and pea pasta that is based on a recipe that they had. Of course I took my usual cursory look at the recipe, but I put onion and garlic in a liberal amount of oil first. Then I added drained and rinsed artichoke hearts, and peas, a little white wine and the zest of a whole lemon. Then I seasoned the mix. Lastly, you add cooked pasta and about a half-cup of ricotta cheese, and just stir until mixed.

It was good, but I must say, I have never eaten a dish that so BEGGED for bacon. I think if I had started the mix with a little diced pancetta, it would have been so much better. As it was, it tasted a little flat. Either that, or leave out the ricotta, and I think the zippier flavors (like the lemon) may have come through more. Quick way to make a cream pasta, though!

Easy Galumpki Bake

Recently, I was at my friend Beata’s baby shower. She and her husband are Polish, and they had lots of Polish friends, who brought quite a bit of Polish food. And when I say, “they brought quite a bit,” I mean in the way that Sitting Bull brought quite a bit of Cheyenne to a small party with Custer. It was astounding. After we all ate our fill, Beata announced, “And now, we eat dinner!” Holy crap. That’s when the meat really came out. Dear lord, the meat! If meat makes for a healthy baby (and I think I’m a testament to that), then this kid is gonna be Herculean.

One of the many tasty, meaty items was galumpki, which I think most people have had at one time or another. They’re also called cabbage rolls, and that’s just what they are: rolled cabbage leaves with rice and pork in the center, and tomato sauce on top. All through my childhood, my father made them, and mistakenly called them “pigs in a blanket,” which they are not.

They’re great, but not so easy to make. The cabbage leaves have to be blanched, and the rice pre-cooked, and then of course there’s all the rolling. I made a sort of “deconstructed” galumpki in the slow cooker, which is also a bit healthier because it uses turkey. It tastes great (much like the original), and utilizes a much simpler “open package, dump contents” sort of technique.

Ingredients:
1 carrot, peeled and broken up
1 celery stick with leaves
1/2 onion
1 clove garlic
(if you made the Turkey Chili Mac, then you already have these in your fridge)
1 cup uncooked brown rice
1 bag of cole slaw mix (shredded cabbage and carrots)
1 lb. ground turkey
1 cup water
1 29 oz. can tomato sauce (puree)
salt and pepper

In layers, place half the bag of cabbage mix, then half the mix of the first four veggies, which you’ve pulsed to a fine chop in the food processor. Add half the rice, then tear half the turkey up into chunks to complete the first layer. Make sure you season the meat. Then repeat each layer once more, and season again. Add the sauce to the top, and the water. Cook on low for six to eight hours.

Serve with crusty bread, with parmesan cheese on top. Mm!

Turkey Chili Mac

This was super quick and easy, and I even made it a “deluxe” way. It was sort of a cross between a bolognese sauce (which has carrot in it), and regular chili mac. A bit of extra work to just pulse up the mirepoix (carrot, celery, and onion – in this case, I also added garlic) in the food processor, yes, but I doubled the mix of the four veggies, stuck half of it in the fridge, and then threw it into the Crockpot for “Easy Galumpki Bake” the next day. So you’re saving time!

Ingredients:
2 carrot, peeled and cut into big chunks
2 celery sticks with leaves, cleaned and “chunked”
1 onion
2 clove garlic
1 lb. ground turkey
1/2 glass red wine
1 cup frozen peas
1 large can chopped tomatoesmexican seasoning
salt and pepper
shredded cheddar
whole wheat pasta

Pulse the first four ingredients in the food processor until finely chopped (note: if you’re only making the chili mac and not the Galumpki Bake, cut the amount for the first four veggies in half). Sweat the veggies until they are just translucent. Add the ground turkey and brown it, then add your seasonings, then the wine and tomatoes. Add the peas at the last moment just to warm them through. Serve over pasta with lots of cheddar!